well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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