You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
