She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
