Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
this will be a night to untag.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
