it's like iHOP with fire
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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