Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Randomize
