I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
