i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
