alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
