Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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