Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
