Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize