I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
