chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
