on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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