This is not my ceiling
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She's the barista slut.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
