the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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