Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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