Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
