My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
