I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Are we still banned from the library?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I need water and some morals
Randomize
