she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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