He had one of those small greek statue penises
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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