Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
