moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
