First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
