Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
