I have demons in me.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
