The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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