You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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