Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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