i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
