Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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