just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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