Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
FUCK WHALES
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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