Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
