i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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