Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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