Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
