Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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