Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
