Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
