I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
