I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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