my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
