So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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