I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
She's the barista slut.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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