I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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