have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
