I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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