I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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