Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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