Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
