I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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