Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize