i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
