how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
