we made out on top of his cat.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
should my penis look like a turkey
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Randomize
