I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize