the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
