I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Are my feet made of real feet?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Randomize
