one might say we're banned from that church
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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