she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
