nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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