I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
