people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
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