Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i think my tv is drunk
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
