Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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