Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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