During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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