I didn't shave. On purpose
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
