well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
