I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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