i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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