it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I have tasted many bathrooms
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
