Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
