I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
