Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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