He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
