guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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