you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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