rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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