the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
