shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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