Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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