You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
she peed on how many people?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Randomize
