I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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